While I have posted several links critical of AA at the bottom of this article, I think it is important to mention that I have been sober over 42 years, and in that time I have attended thousands of meetings. My feelings about the program have not changed: what bothered me about AA when I first began attending meetings, bothers me today. I don’t attend meetings to stay sober, that has never been a need. I remain sober as I made a commitment to my grandmother. I promised her I would stay sober, so I will die sober.
I understand that many people need to attend meetings on a regular basis, and that for them, meetings are life. They cannot imagine dying sober as that is too much of a commitment, and simply, the idea is scary. It is hard for me to wrap my brain around this concept (one day at a time) as it seems this motivation is based on fear. In 2014 I returned to the program after an 11 year break from meetings. I stay sober as I found a different way to remain sober. My sense is that sobriety looks different for everybody.
I am sure I will come back to edit this article, so for now, I will simply add my contribution to a pros/cons list and post quite a few links:
PROS:
- AA is a ready-made community. According to AA World Service (2022) there are currently 152,000 meetings worldwide. This means that you can attend a meeting no matter where you reside on our big blue marble spinning 1000 miles per hour: from Texas to Tehran, and Minnesota to Malaysia. You can walk yourself through the doors of an AA meeting and find comfort and camaraderie.
- AA is much like a family: I have seen close bonds develop between members that are stronger than the relationships people have with their family. Very often people go for “coffee” after a meetings, where group members meet at a restaurant for a meeting after a meeting. Or you can simply hang out in the parking lot and get your additional AA fix
- The barrier to entry is low: look for meetings online, call the hotline, look in the phone book, call “Intergroup” (business hall that often also serves as a meeting place) and ask for the address and show up. The group leaders will pass the basket to solicit funds to pay for rent and coffee. This is common as one of the main tenets of AA specify that each meeting must be self-supporting. The suggested donation per meeting is $2.00 per person.
- AA now exists online, through tele-meetings, Zoom, Microsoft Teams, WebEx, or via various numbers that allow people to connect with certain meetings via a telephone network. This is highly helpful as many people are homebound and enjoy the support of an online group.
- Most people in AA are generally friendly and want to be helpful.
- AA has been around since 1935, so when you come to a meeting you are encountering longstanding norms and practices that are firmly established. It can be off-putting as you might feel there are too many “rules”, but the rules are set in place for a reason.
CONS:
- There is no hierarchy in the program, and no oversight. While the idea of “principles over personality”, is pushed like crazy, this is rarely ever the case and members can and often do make decisions based on their own greed and need to stroke their ego. Rampant dysfunction exists in the meetings, and members’ attacks on one another are rarely addressed. Predation happens all the time. I’d like to set out a few examples to illustrate my point:
1) A member that recently relapsed decided they had enough time to sponsor (mentor others) even though their unresolved issues and untreated alcoholism made other people miserable all of the time. This member would routinely blow up on other people in the meeting and they were allowed to stay, even though they became a contaminant to the meeting and other people in the meeting. This member decided to get involved in conflicts that didn’t belong to them and would confront people even though it wasn’t their business. Can you imagine someone you know who knows nothing of an issue nor do they know you well, tell you that “you’re going to talk about this, we’re going to work through it”. I witnessed this all the time with a few different people. None of these members were excused from the group, and that meeting lost a good number of people.
2) In the many years I have been sober, I have seen members with many years of sobriety prey on newly sober attendees, usually for the purpose of grooming them or manipulating emotionally fragile or newly sober people for the purpose of sleeping with them. It happens ALL the time. This is known as the 13th step, and it is rampant and remains virtually unchecked. I think predators need to be charged, legally, and I have reported two people to the police in 42 years as the behavior in those instances was so egregious that a response was needed.
3) There have been quite a few cases where members were pushed to stop their mental health medication. People pushing others to quit their meds are rarely, if ever, medical personnel, but sponsors who believe that any use of any substance is a “relapse”. This has resulted in suicides of some AA members. Again, I think those people who pressure members to quit their medications need to be legally charged if there is any negative fallout. Too many people in the program believe they are mental health professionals or physicians. It’s gross and disgusting. If anyone in any program tells you to cease or quit your meds, DO NOT listen to them. The only person that you should be listening to is your provider. No one else.
4) One of the two “founders“, Bill Wilson was a cheat, liar, compulsive gambler, and philander. Bill Wilson had a 17 year relationship with his mistress, Helen Winn. He was so taken with Winn that he stole money collected from the sale of the Big Book and gave it to his mistress. Imagine how you, as a spouse might feel, knowing that your significant other did the same thing? Bill’s wife, Lois Wilson is the founder of Al-anon. I had a nearly eight year friendship with her. She didn’t stay married as she was a martyr, she believed that divorcing Bill would hurt the AA movement, so she made a sacrifice. In my opinion, that woman is a saint. There was a group of people that followed Bill wherever he went so as he wouldn’t cheat, drink, or gamble. Wilson is given a pass as he is seen as a social architect. While Bill Wilson’ claimed sobriety, he had a significant period of time where he “used LSD as a pathway to a spiritual experience”. Is that REALLY sobriety? You don’t need to take anything I say at face value, the information is freely available if you want to check. My sense is that the program of AA would have collapsed under the weight of Bill’s ego had Lois Wilson or Dr. Bob (the other AA founder) not been present to prevent that.
5) The program has some very cult-like behaviors: if you talk shit about the program, people will shun you. If they don’t like you, they will kick you out of the meeting. If these same people have an opinion you don’t buy, they will ignore you. I know a guy who was removed from a meeting he started 37 years ago. The traditions of the program say you cannot remove people. It doesn’t matter, no part AA or its business mechanisms will intervene.
6) AA feels highly religious. Six of the 12 steps directly reference God, While I am a believer, I am not a fan of the need to introduce God into everything I do. The literature and the adherents of the program suggest that you need a “God of your own understanding” to remain sober. However, it becomes clear that people are talking about the Judaeo-Christian God when they say “higher power”.
7) Do you like to feel in charge of your life? Do you carry the personal responsibility of solving problems? Forget that, the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is clear: you are powerless to solve your drink problem. The ONLY way forward is to admit you are powerless, turn your life over to “God”, realize you cannot solve your drinking issue, and swear allegiance to a program that requires absolute adherence and a commitment to all of its principles for the rest of your life. The issue of “powerlessness” is widely misunderstood: the reality is that you are only powerless when you imbibe. When you drink you don’t necessarily make good decisions, that is, if you are a drunk. It makes sense, right? You do things you wouldn’t do had you not been under the influence: like drink and drive, or act like an idiot. The other reality is this: most AA’ers don’t want to accept that most people get sober on their own. Don’t believe me? Ask long-time psychologists like Stanton Peale or Jordan Peterson. Past that, look at the research yourself.
8) Please remember that sponsorship needs to be limited to your addiction, not coaching about your relationship, finances, or your health. A sponsor is not a trained professional, nor are they magicians. These folks should have a limited focus and a limited role in your life. You’re looking for someone to help you stay sober, you’re not interviewing someone to become your mother.
The members of the “program” will simply say that “AA works”. I think these people very often confuse most successful with most popular. If AA REALLY worked, we’d see stats to support this contention. The success rates of AA would be higher, it would rank higher as a treatment approach, and we’d see a clear delineation between AA and the negative stats that surround its approach. I’m curious: if AA does indeed work for everyone, why don’t we see a significant decrease in the number of people assessed with substance use disorders? If AA does indeed work, why haven’t we seen a serious increase in membership? If the program was “successful” as touted, why do members ignore problems other than alcohol? If the program is successful, why do people need to spend so much time relying on a higher power to solve their alcohol issue?
Detractors of the “program” don’t simply exist because the movement was created; people like Stanton Peale, Lance Dodes, Charles Bufe, and Gabrielle Glaser don’t simply live to diminish an 85 year-old movement that people swear by. These folks are raising an alert to let people know that the program has severe limitations.
You’ve read my article, I am going to supply a wealth of links. It’s up to you to make up put own mind. I know there is a dearth of articles that tout the effectiveness of the AA. Whatever you decide, good luck on your path.
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10388759/does-anyone-else-think-alcoholics-anonymous-is-a-joke/p5